THE IMPERFECT CATCH with a bucket of bad crabs to go

So, what did they catch on the Perfect Catch tonight? Crabs, a rusty needle, an ugly bitch who thinks she's beautiful? No, none of the above.... I'm afraid for the fourth week running Perfect Catch caught me for another confusing hour of television.

The weird reality show on E! (what did I expect) follows eight contestants from around the world as they travel to six of Greece's most beautiful islands. That fact alone blew my mind. Anyways, hosted by talent vacuum Carmen Electra, this 90s rehashing of an already bad idea is one big mess filled with awful fake tits, bad accents (in strolls Tommy), the sexually confused, and for 7 out of the 8 misguided individuals - distinctly average looks. "So what's not to like you might be asking yourself. This sounds like bad TV Gold?" - well it kind of is. But I feel wrong for saying that. And I feel somewhat worse for hoping that Laughlin actually finds his Perfect Catch.

Meet Kim and Fabien

A standard episode of Perfect Catch involves a lot of running and rather pathetic chat up lines as the 8 contestants, racing against time and released onto an unsuspecting island, run about harassing tourists until one of them surrenders, no........... that makes it sound uncouth. Yes, wait a minute let me think this through... yes that is exactly what they do. One victim for every contestant and then it is up to the judging panel to decide who caught the perfect catch. The winning contestant for that week then lives it up on a rather lovely yacht with their convenient catch until the next Island, when I think the game resets. Actually... scratch that, I don't care.

Can I speak to you?
No.
Really?
Yeah really. FO!

That is how a typical chat up line goes down on Perfect Catch. It is literally soul destroying to watch, and yet the contestants remain unscathed. You know that's because they never had one to begin with ( a soul, a clue..) so it makes it fine to laugh and point at them. They are like zoo animals with severe disabilities - they don't draw the big crowds because they look pretty. But wait, they're not even that pretty. SO WHY DO THEY THINK THEY ARE! Seriously, Kim I'm speaking to you.

Part 2 will be posted soon-ish. I want to build this up into a series of posts, maybe 50! And by the end you'll all be watching this shit show and we can live happily ever after.

http://eonline/perfectcatch

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