Hey Girls! Would you like to introduce yourselves to my readers?
Coco: I performance superstar celebrity from Bogota, Colombia.
Pipi: Hello, my name es Pipi de la Mer, I 29 years old, I have been for many years, I performance artist from Marimbo in Venezuela, I very glamur but I no interestin in children or animals. My passion es natural world and environment.
Oh my god Pipi, I love the environment too!
Talk me through an average day in the life of you?
Coco: My maid waking me from bed late after show. Personal trainer then workin me for working the ass.
Pipi: My day es never average baby, es ful of surprise! I starting with leaving mi compression nitrogen chamber, and havin my arctic iceberg water colonic (fresh every day), palm tree gum waxin (virgin Amazon), body varnish coat no.1, aerosol body fat re-location, koala milk bath, panda foetus smoothy, varnish coat no.2, face stapling session and then I ready for my dresser and a beautiful day in front of me, savin the world!
So tell me, what you were like as kids?
Coco: Always dancin an singing creating routine for my family and friends before I turning professional superstar.
Pipi: She lyin, she always been drunk. I never been a child, I hatin. When I smaller, I cutting my hair and making big pubis wig for lookin older and adult and going to especial clubs... I still having this wig, you want to see?
Erm... I'm good thank you. Has much changed now that you are fully grown?
Coco: No, no really, I always super - well, now I have several inheritance lined up...
Pipi: Well, I no needing my knicker wig any more, all es natural and fully grow! I thinkin I still conserve the beauty of young, no? I understandin peoples much more now - nobody es messing, because I taking no nonsense from peoples - I have every much experience en body combat an running.
Coco: This es because she always shopliftin, she clepto..
So how did Pipi and Coco meet? Were you totes Romy and Michele with each other in high school or did you first encounter each other in a more awkward fashion? Perhaps you shared the same jail cell... OR WORSE... the same boyfriend?
Coco: She no havin nowhere to live when her pimp husband cheated on her. She begging me for to make her fabulous and create a duo.
Pipi: Portis, who telin you this? you es very close to the truth. Es complicated story, but I makin simples: We meet at funeral of my boyfriend, Salvador. His wife an famili es sittin in front, very sad, es normal, and I notice one slapper sitting in back too cryin, looking terrible with cheap shoes and mascara all over the face... it happen the motherfukker Salvador is having two lovers! This is how I meeting this bitch. I say, 'eh! Why you cryin? ' She say 'Coco Verdose verdose, please to meet you' - deff bitch, I never losing her sinse...
Pipi, what would you say makes Coco so great?
I havin to say she has great ass, no cellulite... Then again, she pay thro the ass for the ass, so es normal, no? Also, she very good at laffing herself. She always laffing (she a little bit simple...)
Coco, what do you hate most about Pipi?
So what can my readers expect from one of your shows when you perform together?
Coco: Fierce bitches latina style - crazy mother fucker show!
Pipi: We a little bit especial. All our show always end with one murder - we telling story of passion, pain, jealous, lies... all with music and dancing - an we always finish with CHA! Pipi or Coco es murdered!
Now that sounds Janet Jackson 'nasty'! What is your stance on groupies?
Coco: Only allowing if they sexy and hot and pouring me gin an tonic.
Pipi: I likin very much, but I no likin groupies who is wantin trying on my costume, this es too much, o my goodness, this peoples es no normal! An sometimes groupies es askin for knicker I wearin - I always sendin with extra surprise.... Peoples es funny. Coco, she like this tho.
How would you describe each other’s style?
Coco: Pipi too trashy and too mach trying too hard for being pretty.
Pipi: Shadap! She a little like my ugly sister. I always sayin, tho, every garden es beautiful en May! Es a shame for Coco es November...
Ha ha. I couldn’t help but notice that you’re both actually quite buff, which is more of a statement rather than a question...
Coco: Squattin squattin squatting baby!
Pipi: You wan touchin a little bit? An I notice you very much hansom man, with very much pubis everywhere! Do you smell like MAN?
If you could both be any animal imaginable for the day, what animals would you be and how would you spend your day?
Coco: Racing horse - gallopin by the sea shore with my blond mane flown in wind.
Pipi: One cougar. I don't know what is this animal, but I likin the young mans...
Would you like to ask Portis Wasp a question?
Coco: You ever tryin double endin dildo?
Oi cheeky! I haven't, no. To be honest with you, I wouldn't have a clue what to do with a single endin dildo, never mind a double.
Pipi: Who are you?
What happens next?
Coco: We go to party for to drink gin tonica! Party season all year - Miami, Rio, Venice, Barcelona, Ibiza... We go where is party party party!
Pipi: I don't know baby, but just sit back and enjoy it, life es wonderful an ful of BIG surprise!