Tuesday, 7 October 2014

Desperados Are Throwing A Next Level Party At The Bussey Building

"What's the craziest party I've ever been to?" is the question I asked myself today, and whilst the answer required a trip back in time to a very cold December night when I was barely eighteen and yet to discover that wearing oversized clothes in a defiant protest against my naturally svelte frame was not the one, a chance to reminisce about a very great time had on one of those nights where low expectations collided with unexpected thrills has left me grinning like a Cheshire cat.

I feel like I haven't been to a house party in years, but in my late teens I spent way more time making new acquaintances in stranger’s houses than in bars and clubs. I guess the allure of a cheap night in comfortable surroundings with an easily accessible CD player and a relaxed dress code was high on my priority list at the time. Mind you, this was long before I discovered cocktails, tapas, and peacocking, so I'm not feeling as bad as I should about turning up to the craziest party I've ever been to wearing my Woolworths uniform and a pair of Kickers.

I'd be lying if I said I could recount the night in question in its entirety, but if memory serves me right it loosely went something like this:

9.09pm - Finishing my night-shift stacking shelves at the local Woolworths, I quickly made my way up a very large hill to my friend’s house party which had started five hours earlier and was apparently, as described to me by text, not the best. This made me feel better about forgetting to bring a change of clothes with me to work that day.

9.36pm - I arrived at the party to find that it was indeed "not the best".

9.42pm – Someone trips and spills their barely touched glass of red wine over my Kickers.

9.53pm – The real kicker is that the wine somehow manages to soak through my shoe and dyes my socks.

10.06pm – I reject the notion of putting my shoes back on after countless strangers ask if I’m okay in quick succession upon noticing my faux-bloodied feet. I enjoy the attention they are bringing me.

10.49pm - Five of us seek refuge in the kitchen after a heated argument breaks out between two of our friends.

11.16pm - I risk being booted out of the kitchen when I refuse to drink from the only bottle of Peach Schnapps we have to share between us, dismissing the proposal as "totally unhygienic".

11.17pm - I question why there are no glasses in the kitchen and why all of the alcohol is located in someone's bedroom?!

11.18pm - No one has an answer for me but I am reminded that I have put worse things in my mouth.

11.20pm - I concede and reluctantly drink from the bottle.

12.01am - Still hauled-up in the kitchen and giving strong thought to getting a taxi home...

12.24am – I find myself out of the kitchen and in a cupboard!

12.31am - Exit the cupboard to be met with rapturous applause after spending a successful "7 Minutes in Heaven" with someone much better looking than myself.

01.05am - I refuse to play a game of "spin the bottle" after hearing that I am a terrible kisser.

01.37am - I suddenly feel totally relaxed with the idea of drinking from someone else's bottle after watching the person I fancy make out with (what seems like) everyone at the party whilst playing the worst game ever invented.

02.13am - Whilst looking for a friend who has wandered off with my wallet and phone I mistakenly walk in on three people arguing in bed - naked.

02.14am - I finally shut the door on their domestic and climb out onto the roof to find my friend eating chips.

02.30am - The chips were delicious.

02.49am - As we chat about the night's events and debate the ramifications of everyone's actions at the party it begins to snow.

03.01am - I fall asleep on a couch.

08.16am - I wake up to find my next shift at work starts in only fourteen minutes.

08.34am - *DEAD*

So what made this the craziest party I've ever been to, exactly? Well, I've never spent another 7 Minutes in Heaven with anyone in a cupboard since - much to my disappointment. But it was also the last time I ever turned down the invitation to play a game of "spin the bottle", so there's that. I guess in a lot of ways though, the craziest aspect of this party was that I was brave enough to drink out of a communal bottle of Schnapps. Think of all those cooties I exposed myself to!

Desperados want to hear about your craziest, wildest, most different parties. They’re throwing an unmissable party with Mike Skinner at the Bussey building in Peckham on 17th October, and they want all of you with the party instinct to join them.

Here’s the good bit, they’re offering free tickets! All you have to do is find or take a photo of you partying somewhere different to the norm, and share it on Desperados Facebook, using #PartyInstinct.

Or, there are still tickets available here.

For more info on the event visit Facebook.

Over 18’s only. Please drink responsibly. For the facts: drinkaware.co.uk


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