Who would you most like to be Trapped in an Elevator with?
"I would love to be trapped with Alexander Skarsgard because he's hot and he's a sexy viking."
"Wonder Woman – After all we may need her Amazonian strength to get us out... Tom Ford - He fascinates me for obvious reasons and I find his voice very soothing for those moments when panic will threaten to engulf me… Oprah Winfrey – She will keep us all entertained and at the very least ask pertinent questions about ourselves for the security camera footage! It will certainly make for great TV when we are all out!"
"Michael Buffer."
"I'd like to be trapped in a sweaty elevator with David Gandy because I hear he's got.. a great sense of humour."
Okay, I can see myself trapped in a wood-panelled lift with a hitman & a love-interest, the muzak playing would be "Oh My Love" by Katyna Ranieri, I'd be wearing some kind of quilted bomber jacket like a modern-day Steve McQueen and I'd talk in hushed tones. I'm a man of few words - but you probably know this already...I'd suddenly notice the gun in the hitman's holster and everything would go to slow-motion, I'd push my love-interest behind me (for arguments sake, let's just say it's...I don't know...Carey Mulligan - I'm work-shopping this....) and the lights would go dark, except for on her where they'd get brighter curiously, I'd turn to kiss her (as only I know how - maybe some clashing teeth, probably some biting, a little bit of spit & a hair pull (again I'm work-shopping this...), the kiss would last for ages - actually enough time for the hitman to have taken both of us out, which he doesn't curiously (this IS my fantasy, yeah?). Then just as the muzak is crescendo-ing, I'd turn around and beat him to death, possibly even stamp on his head and crush it like an Easter egg...actually this sounds like it could be developed into a really good film...I don't know, maybe something about a driver (my character), but I'd get someone like Ryan Gosling to play me...now where did I put his number?"
"Dolly Parton because I could rest on her lovely breasts while she sings to me and gives me words of wisdom."
"Alexander Skarsgard... for obvious reasons. ;-)"
"So if I'm stuck in a elevator Im gonna have to go with Zooey Deschanel. We are both kind of awkward and quirky which would make for some really bizarre conversations and goofy ass chatter. I kind of have a huge crush on her, especially after New Girl came out. It's like this awkward and uncomfortable train wreck that would happen, but at the same time its the most entertaining and magical thing ever. We would just get along because of the lack of filter on our mouths and being completely aloof to what is happening. I like that."
"Dynamo. I hate lifts so I'm sure he'd find a way to magic us out of there. If not, he could do that magic trick where he finds a penny behind my ear. If we're stuck in there for a while, chances are I'll become very rich."
"I'd like to be trapped in an elevator with an elevator repairman. I have a terrible history of being trapped in elevators in foreign places (once with Charles Quiles) for hours on end. I've probably spent over half of my life in an elevator by this point! But I hope that Portis would be there too so we could cry in fear together. And possibly play table tennis when the repairman fixes the whole thing. I'm a pro at table tennis on the wii, you know!"
"I would like to be trapped in an elevator with Rihanna and Chris Brown... I would surely witness something of epic proportions. I'm imagining something a long the lines of a sexy Wrestlemania."
"I would like to be stuck with Katy Perry because she is on the rebound! Eeeyyyy! ;-)"
"My BF and Fred Phelps ...so we could make out in front of Phelps until the rescue team arrived."
"Tony Ward. From embracing his gay porn past to Hustler White to justifying Madonna's love to now rocking it as a hot, older male model, Tony has always been my fave. Maybe the lift would get stuck during a national lift engineers strike and we would be trapped for days. If only."
Ant: "I'll have to say Sigourney Weaver. She looks like she'd know what to do and would be able to kick ass should aliens come into the equation. Just to make the situation a bit more dramatic!"
Leo: "One of my biggest fears is getting stuck in an elevator, so I would need someone who could keep me calm and get me outta there asap. Paul Newman did a pretty good job of rescuing people in The Towering Inferno, so he'd be first on my list."
"It would have to be Dave Franco... for obvious reasons. Enough said."
"Trapped in a lift? Nobody. There's more room and air."
"Without a doubt... Gareth Thomas, I would feel safe no matter what was about to go down... even me."
"Well, as a twelve-inch high piece of plastic ass, I'd leave plenty of space for lift companions, and claustrophobia really isn't an issue for me. Neither is eating, drinking or *God forbid* going to the bathroom. I can survive for days without these basic human needs, yet there is one thing I get a little, shall we say... FRUSTRATED without. Yes dolls, if I'm gonna be trapped in an elevator I want a mighty big slice of man meat to keep me entertained. Or five. So who are my chosen hunks?
5. The Fass: You've all seen Shame, Mr Fassbender would get the job done with feelings involved. Who wants strings? I'm Barbie, not frickin' Pinocchio!
4. Ryan Reynolds: In my head he's as smooth as Ken... in more ways than one...
3. Drake: Apparantly I'm the best he's ever had... I'd just like to remind him of that one more time! Rihanna who?
2. Roberto Cavalli: I know it's wrong, but have you seen the man's tweets? He's unconsciously hilarious, a crazy lothario and could probably whip me up a super hawt animal print ensemble quicker than you can say "has someone called the super?"
1. Drumroll puh-lease... the number one hottie who I wish to "elevate" me to ecstasy is none other than Mr Chuck Bass himself, Ed Westwick. He's spent more than enough time pinging up and down to Blair's penthouse, IT'S MY TURN NOW! BASS BE MINE!"
"I'd have to pick two people so that there would be less chance of awkward silences! I guess Stephen Fry for some intellectual conversations... I may as well learn something while I'm stuck in there. And Joan Collins, as I'm sure she'd have a story or 50 to enthrall us with once we were done with the educational bit! Fun times!"
"Well, as a twelve-inch high piece of plastic ass, I'd leave plenty of space for lift companions, and claustrophobia really isn't an issue for me. Neither is eating, drinking or *God forbid* going to the bathroom. I can survive for days without these basic human needs, yet there is one thing I get a little, shall we say... FRUSTRATED without. Yes dolls, if I'm gonna be trapped in an elevator I want a mighty big slice of man meat to keep me entertained. Or five. So who are my chosen hunks?
5. The Fass: You've all seen Shame, Mr Fassbender would get the job done with feelings involved. Who wants strings? I'm Barbie, not frickin' Pinocchio!
4. Ryan Reynolds: In my head he's as smooth as Ken... in more ways than one...
3. Drake: Apparantly I'm the best he's ever had... I'd just like to remind him of that one more time! Rihanna who?
2. Roberto Cavalli: I know it's wrong, but have you seen the man's tweets? He's unconsciously hilarious, a crazy lothario and could probably whip me up a super hawt animal print ensemble quicker than you can say "has someone called the super?"
1. Drumroll puh-lease... the number one hottie who I wish to "elevate" me to ecstasy is none other than Mr Chuck Bass himself, Ed Westwick. He's spent more than enough time pinging up and down to Blair's penthouse, IT'S MY TURN NOW! BASS BE MINE!"
"I'd have to pick two people so that there would be less chance of awkward silences! I guess Stephen Fry for some intellectual conversations... I may as well learn something while I'm stuck in there. And Joan Collins, as I'm sure she'd have a story or 50 to enthrall us with once we were done with the educational bit! Fun times!"
"I would most like to be trapped in an elevator with James Franco. Franco is almost unnaturally incredible and a huge inspiration creatively. What he stands for, i.e. not giving a fuck what people expect of him and thereby surpassing all expectations combined with his creative talents - photography, art, writing, acting, directing...the list goes on, would make him my number one fellow elevator captive. We would have a lot to talk about. If his brother Dave also happened to be stuck in the elevator, then that wouldn't bother me either, probably for different reasons... and some of the same."
"With Brad pitt, cause of his... yeah and that amazing... Ok honestly? I wouldnt want to, as I would freaking freak out!"
"Daniel Day Lewis and Paul Thomas Anderson. Why? Did you not see There Will Be Blood!?!?!
"I'd like to be trapped in an elevator with Inspector Gadget. He'd have all of the things you'd need to escape and probably some fascinating stories about life as a spy to keep me occupied in the meantime. Also love his style - Mackintosh Trench and Trilby never goes out of style."
"This question has had me baffled. Then it hit me. It was right there in front of me! You. You, Mr Portis. Because after you posted your 'thank you video',I fell in love with your accent. It's simply fucking awesome! So, I'll just sit there and you talk....until someone opens the door."
__________________________________________________
How Do You Like Your Eggs In The Morning?
Rankin
Scrambled with chilli and basil…. yum-o!
Sam Scott Schiavo
I like my eggs soft served with a spicy sausage and if lucky a side of hash browns… and I may even butter your biscuit!
Alexis Gregory
Scrambled. With my own special secret method. Okay, I may have stolen it from a Famous TV Chef but I've claimed it as my own. Sssssh don't tell anyone.
Barbie
I don't like eggs. Give me sausage any day.
Damon Baker
I like mine with a kiss.
Tyler Martin
One dozen eggs. Minus eleven yolks. Pepper jack cheeses. Scramble. Happiness!
Colby Keller
Over easy with buttered toast so I can sop up the runny yellows while I stare into my lover's eye with a knowing recollection of why we need energy this morning.
Ryan McDonald
Sunny side up over corn beef hash....I can hear that bango a-playin' now!
Jonathan Pryce
I'm a French Omelette kind of guy. In fact eggs are my speciality. I mix eggs in a bowl with a pinch of salt and a dash of water to de-coagulate. Get the pan super hot with a knob of butter until it just turns brown. Pour in egg mix and bring in the edges to the centre of the pan as they cook. When bottom is completed cooked, flip and it's done. The eggs should be a creamy golden colour - no burning allowed!
Michael Epps
I like my eggs scrambled, with ketchup. I'm actually gonna go have that now.
Raff
...in the words of Dean Martin "...I like mine with a kiss"
Darren Black
In a cup - 2 guys, 1 (egg) cup - got a certain kind of ring to it...no?
Tala
Poached eggs Benedict style, bacon, hollandaise sauce, the works!! With a glass of champagne on the side (of course).
Neil Thomas Douglas
Poached to perfection and surrounded in crispy bacon.
Joseph Gray
I like poached eggs especially eggs benedict.
Amy Paige
A chicken's: Scrambled. Mine: Unfertilized!
Matthew Stephen Herrick
I like my eggs scrambled with cheese, sausage, peppers and onions wrapped in a burrito with some hot sauce accompanied by a cup of coffee. Mmmmmmmm now I want eggs.
Richard Gerst
Sensual side up. ;-)
Sarah Popledge
How do I like my eggs... well I like them the way I get most of my men….. poached, that's right I sneak into farmers sheds late at night and steal eggs, then I head into their house and find me a young, strapping farmer's son all tanned and muscular from being outside and working the land all day... basically the next step involves chloroform and some unmentionable acts of depravity I do not wish to share, then in the morning I feed him my 'poached' eggs from his own farm making sure that my ski mask doesn't slip off my face to reveal my identity... then it's more chloroform before I drop him back in with his flock of sheep with a couple of 'props' to ensure he thinks the worst through his drug induced phase and never tells anyone his dirty little sheep loving secrets…
Duck of Kat + Duck
Runny with siracha on regular days and a Full English if I had a long night!!
Christopher Hench
Eggs are one of my favourite foods so I can do soft-boiled, hard-boiled, you name it. However, recently I have found my new addiction to be slightly scrambled, and juicy served on top of toast. They really cannot be described; they are beyond your imagination on how delicious eggs can be. (Thank you Emily Shoeir @ M+P Models for turning me on to this, she happens to be a master chef with eggs.)
Barrett Pall
Scrambled with salt and pepper. Maybe some hot sauce on the side. And definitely home fries, bacon, sausage, and toast on the side.
Jack Mackenroth
I like my eggs cryogenically frozen so after I go through the "change of life" I can still add more kids to the polygamous compound I live in.
KARLISMYUNKLE
Oh my god. Such a hard question. Speaking of hard...I like my eggs firm, kinda like how I want my forehead and abs to be in 50 years time. How do you like yours Portis?
Portis Wasp
Well Nik.... I like my eggs slightly poached slightly scrambled, slapped onto toast and drizzled with honey. No fuss, nothing fancy. I only ask that someone in close proximity cuts up my eggs for me and forks them into my hungry hole of a mouth. I find it impossible to do two things at once and I like to focus more on how good my eggy concoction tastes and less on moving the arms picking up stuff etc etc!
Max Rogers
I used to like them poached but they mess with my skin so now I like them as far away as possible! I miss them though!! Ha-ha!! X
_______________________________________
Ask Portis Wasp Anything!
I was going to record a little video for this post and take a cue from Sam Scott Schiavo's boys on film... just portis, wearing a trilby and nothing else, blowing smoke into the camera lens, maybe dribble a little whiskey onto my hairy chest and answer a few questions from my celebrity friends in French. But it wasn't meant to be. After several attempts at answering questions on film I discovered I have a terrible habit of looking like a fool, talking too much, dribbling when I shouldn't be and the swearing.... shit.... I do that A LOT. So not cool. So I'm restricting myself to a thank you video after I've posted everyone's questions for me. That's another thing of course, you'll see below I use words like they're going out of fashion so instead of posting in full tonight (and killing you all with my crap banter) I'll be posting some new questions from my famous friends every night this week.
Giuseppe Vaccaro
flickr.com/juseppe
Why did you decide to ask us to ask you a question? Do you have any little and untellable secrets to be revealed?
"I would love to say it was because I wanted to shine the spotlight on myself for a little bit but that’s not the reason, no. That’s just a bonus! Portis Wasp just wanted to appear as game as all you guys are when you answer questions for me because I have some right crackers up my sleeve for the next set of Group Fun posts and if I openly embarrass myself in public here then hopefully you’ll all continue to follow suit! I hope my plan works. I really do."
Adam Leslie Jonnson
www.lctrisc.com
Do you believe in anything "supernatural"?
"If you’re asking have I ever had sex with a ghost then YES I HAVE! Not really but I do believe in the supernatural and I’ll tell you why I very ‘nearly’ had sex with a ghost.
I love the random conversations you can have on Twitter with complete strangers and before twitter and my blog when I was using MySpace regularly I developed a little back n forth with what turned out to be a white witch. I didn’t know this until a few months down the line but we’d send the occasional message to each other, talk about music, films, shit like that. And then one day the topic came up of whether I’d ever had sex with someone whose physical body wasn’t in the same room as me at the time? I was like, “WTF! YOU’RE FUNNY!!” And the white witch was like, “NO REALLY. IF YOU WANT I CAN DO A SPELL TONIGHT AND I CAN COME VISIT YOU IN YOUR ROOM?” Of course I was skeptical and a little weirded out but I was like ‘alright, sure, whatever’ and then kind of forgot about the conversation. No one visited my room that night by the way. But a couple days later I woke in the middle of the night, I’m convinced I was awake, and scanned my bedroom for what had woken me up – I’m a heavy sleeper so this doesn’t happen often! It was only when I turned to my right that a large shadow of a person suddenly came into view and reached for me!!! I kind of blacked out for a few seconds and now all I can remember is screaming the house down and not being able to get to sleep for a few hours afterwards, but I’m convinced to this day that it was that white witch trying to sex with me and my screams banished the apparition from my room! I didn’t bother to reconnect on MySpace so I’ll never know for sure but it sure did spook me. Wait a minute, the white witch wasn’t dead so I don’t even think this story counts as a supernatural experience Adam, but I just needed to get it off my chest and into a public forum! Or maybe the white witch did die and its ghost was just trying to have one last bang before it left for somewhere else? I dunno. Have you ever experienced anything similar? I need to feel like I’m being heard here!"
Christophe Sanchez-Vahle
Describe to me your fantasy shoot that YOU would be in... Who would YOU want to shoot you? Style you? What would be the concept and if you were to shoot with other models who would they be? And remember this is a fantasy so the only limits are those of your imagination!!
"Wow! This is a super fun question for me to get my teeth into Christophe as funnily enough I haven’t ever considered my dream editorial. What I do do though when I listen to a song is immediately visualise a music video to go with it so I guess this is just a static version of that. Okay, here we go: My fantasy shoot would be an editorial for V Magazine. I would have Eisuke Negishi shoot the spread and I would set it in a Boutique Hotel. The editorial would be called ‘Mint On Your Pillow’ and would take a look behind the doors of 12 rooms on one floor of the Hotel. The cast would be a mix of models and actors and would play out as follows:
Room 1 – The Honeymooners: Ryan Barrett & Joan Smalls
Room 2 – The Starlet: Amber Heard
Room 3 – The Affair: Joe Manganiello & Josh Holloway
Room 4 – The Thief: Crystal Renn
Room 5 – The Spy: Aiden Shaw
Room 6 – The Recently Departed: Freja Beha Erichsen
Room 7 – The Mistress: Jessica Lange
Room 8 – The Til Death Do Us Part: Betty White & Brian Shimansky
Room 9 – The Bachelor Party: Garrett Hedlund, Matt Bomer, Alexander Skarsgard, Kevin Baker, David Agbodji, The Stenmark Twins, Zeb Ringle, Max Rogers, Mark Kanemura, Ryan Gosling, Michael Fassbender, Jamie Bell
Room 10 – The Stripper: Evan Rachel Wood
Room 11 – The Socialite: Elle Fanning
Room 12 – The Junkie: Portis Wasp
I would style the shoot OF COURSE and everyone would wear fierce pieces from Lanvin exclusively– I fear we’d already be going way over budget on this so everyone would be asked to do their own hair and make-up on the day."
You can get an idea of the desired look from Eisuke's imagery below along with the Lanvin SS12 video:
I think I might have to make this editorial HAPPEN!
Popledge
www.popledge.co.uk
I'd like to know something about your pop culture choices, so I'm going to challenge you to pick your faves FOR LIFE! That's right only one per category and you have to spend the rest of your life with the choice...
Album for Life
Ugh, these questions are so hard! But maybe, just maybe, Travis - ' The Man Who'. It's a lovely album and one I haven't actually listened to in years but yeah, I just thought of them quite randomly right now so I'm gonna trust my instincts on this one and say 'The Man Who'.
Movie for life
I Know What You Did Last Summer - I was so fond of every actor involved in the project at the time (especially Sarah Michelle Gellar) so you wouldn’t have believed the excitement that filled me when my mother bought the video for me! I could really talk about this film for days! But some of my highlights are Anne Heche playing a crazy hick to the hilt, Jennifer Love Hewitt screaming "What are you waiting for!” in the middle of the road, Sarah giving the fisherman a good run for his money during the parade, Ryan Phillippe’s abs, and old reliable Freddie Prinze Jr. saving the day!
Book for life
I’d cheat and choose my David LaChapelle ‘Heaven To Hell’ Photo Book. It always makes me smile and I could get lost in a hundred and one different fantasies in there, so I wouldn’t get bored any time soon.
Person to stare at for life
I was going to say Matt Bomer because sometimes he looks like a Bush baby and other times he just looks like Matt Bomer so whatever the day he’d keep me entertained, but then I remembered model Freja Beha Erichsen aka ‘the chameleon’ – I’m pretty confident she could look like Matt Bomer, or anyone else for that matter if I asked her to, so for that reason I choose her!
Brand to wear for life
Lanvin – I’ve never owned one piece of Lanvin and yet I know it’s my brand for life (ya know when the money starts rolling in!)
TV series to watch for life
Buffy the Vampire Show – Best. Show. Ever.
Magazine to read for life
Interview Magazine – I always enjoy the interviews and the photographs are consistently amazing!
Barrett Pall
How did you get started?
"It was all quite innocent to be honest Barrett. I submitted some photographs of mine to a Scottish website in early 2009. They published them and created a little page for me. It was all quite lovely. And then I just decided to start a blog not long after with the plan to share my work there. That didn’t happen because I was quite lazy with my camera and the blog wasn’t about anything in particular because I didn’t quite know what I wanted to post. So it probably took me about six months to begin using my little space on the internet properly. It was only when I decided to approach a couple of Scottish personalities one day for an interview (which they said yes to) that I thought hmm, maybe I’ll cast the net further. I approached a Pornstar called Mitch Branson as I was interested in showing another side to someone who works in Porn, he also said yes to my surprise, and the rest is history. I think if you go far enough back you’ll see that My Portis Wasp says has grown quite a bit. My photoshopping sadly, has not."
Colby Keller
bigshoediaries.blogspot.com
What are you most afraid of?
"Myself. I am my own best friend and worst enemy."
Matthew Stephen Herrick
You write about models, actors, musicians etc but what makes a person beautiful to you in your personal life?
"What do I find beautiful in someone, well…. if they can roll out of bed and throw on a pair of beaten up jeans and a tank but still look like a model, act up in public to the point where I’m undecided whether I’d rather kill or be kissing on them, and can play a Hot 100 song of my choosing with only their hands on my belly then I’ll consider this person to be all kinds of beautiful. But they must also be able to make me laugh whenever I demand laughter, be generous and caring and be open to telling me off when I start acting like a douche – which is a lot of the time. Just all the clichéd shit that everyone finds beautiful I guess. You totally want to tell me off now don’t you Matthew?"
www.dimitristheocharis.com
Top or Bottom...?
"Oh Lord, I’m going to pretend I don’t know what that means and say neither. I’m an agnostic – and no that doesn’t mean I flip-flop between religions Dimitris! Tsk"
If you could change one thing about your self what would it be?
"I am a very impatient person. I got that from my Father, which is fine I guess, as I managed to side-step his ginger hair but it does feel like a bit of a curse a lot of the time. And it’s certainly a burden for friends and loved ones – insert sowwwwwwy. It’s not hard to throw me into a full-blown huff but it’s not my fault, I was just born that way. I wish people could just manage me better when I am in a huff. I’m a Pisces so if you see our faces tripping us just leave us be, within about ten minutes we’ll be all kinds of ready to be friends again, BUT NO. That’s not acceptable; EVERY ONE HAS TO ASK, “ARE YOU IN A HUFF?” AND THEN YOU FEEL THE HUFF BUILDING YOU START PUFFING, YOU’RE THINKING OF WAYS TO KILL YOUR FRIEND WITH ONLY YOUR EYES AND THEN THEY SAY SOMETHING STUPID LIKE, I HATE YOU WHEN YOU BEHAVE LIKE THIS AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU COULD EXPLODE… and that’s what I’d change. I’d like to have a little more patience."
christopherhench.com
List your hot 10 hottest photographers in your opinion. Who do you think they are? ;-)
"Well Christopher.... you’ve put me in a tricky sort of position as I would like to work with a lot of the Photographers I feature on my blog so I’m just going to have to massage some egos and restrict myself to a Top 10 of Photographers who I have interviewed for My Portis Wasp says..."
Sam Scott Schiavo – I’d like to play with his moustache
Giampaolo Sgura – Confident enough to wear socks with sandals, I’m there!
Stewart Shining – He has magical hair, oh and I’d like to go to lunch with Stewart and his pal Alessandra Ambrosio some time
Darren Black – He looks like the type to pull your hair back and spit in your face, which is a good thing, right?
Ryan Barrett - because he’s Ryan Barrett
Damon Baker – It’s all about that walk!
Andrea Vecchiato – Tattoo worship!
Dimitris Theocharis – Hmm… intrigues me.
Alexander Beer – I made the mistake of looking into his husky dog eyes for too long and suddenly I own a collection of leads?!
JD Ferguson – it’s JD! Come on!
I must add that I’ve hardly interviewed female Photographers. Camilla Akrans WILL NOT return my calls! That busy bitch! And I think it’s clear from this list that I have daddy issues. Or maybe I’m just looking to be a kept man? Email me here boys myportiswasp@googlemail.com – I’m an agnostic incase you’re wondering!
Christopher you placed at number 11. I’m sorry! But we’ll pick this up again in a year from now! I wish you luck in becoming hotter."
stewartshining.com
Do you have any pets?
"I don’t have any pets. I had a dog when I was a kid called snoopy, a little Yorkshire terrier – he died. Goldfish – they died. Terrapins – they smelt bad so I killed them, only kidding. But they both disappeared one day, my dad said he drove them to a farm and well, I hope that was an agreement made between him and the farm that’s all I’ll say on the matter – I’m sure they’re fine."
What member of your family are you closest to?
"My sister, we’re kind of conjoined. Which is awkward but only one more operation and I can start going on dates! Lol – is that even funny? I’m not sure if I’m all that funny today. But yeah my sister, she’s like the best little sister ever. She’s so much cooler than anyone else’s little sister, that’s for sure."
Have you been close to anyone who has died of AIDS or HIV related illness?
"I haven’t actually, which I suppose is a good thing but yeah, when will it end? A dreadful dreadful thing."
Who is your favorite contemporary artist?
Currently - Akmal Shaukat
What's your dream vacation destination? (Either one you've been to or want to go to)
"A cabin in the woods with friends (one day I’ll have some). But the cabin can’t be anything like the one in Antichrist or the one in Evil Dead. I want a nice experience in the woods with lots of scrabble, wine and partner swapping by candlelight!"
What's your all time favorite dessert? (please name the one that pops into your head FIRST)
"I just thought of a BANANA? Jesus Christ, what does that say about me Stewart???"
What's your drag name (childhood pet for first, name of the street you lived on as a child for last) I think...
"I think your thinking of Porn Star name? And mine would be Snoopy Mount Pleasant – like who wouldn’t want to climb me with a name like that?! Making love to Portis was an awfully ‘pleasant’ experience – that’s what I want on my gravestone. But my drag queen name… I’d probably just change Portis to Portia and now that that’s got me thinking of De Rossi, I’d change that to Di Prossy. Portia di Prossy – now who wouldn’t want to mount that dame?! Fuck me! I’m hot as a boy or a girl!"
What's your favorite line in a movie?
"When you watch as many films as I do it’s hard to pick a ‘favourite’ but here are two that spring to mind at this very moment:
“What are you waiting for!!!!!!” – 'I Know What You Did Last Summer', Jennifer Love Hewitt’s character Julie screams this in the middle of the street after she and her scooby gang find a dead body eaten by crabs in the boot of their car! Her delivery is so fucking awesome! I love that film, it's such a guilty pleasure.
But if you want a proper good quote:
I got such a kick from Suddenly, Last Summer when I watched it at the cinema lately like you wouldn’t believe. Especially any time a character quoted the title of the film…
Mrs Venable - “My son, Sebastian and I constructed our days. Each day we would carve each day like a piece of sculpture, leaving behind us a trail of days like a gallery of sculpture until suddenly, last summer.”
But by god what a deliriously silly ending to a film!"
Who's your favorite character in Eyes of Laura Mars?
"I really need to watch this film again and there are quite a few characters in the film that tickle my fancy but I’m going to have to go with Faye Dunaway’s Laura Mars. If the film wasn’t called Eyes of Laura Mars I would still comment on those crazy eyes of hers. They command attention and for sure Faye Dunaway is one of the most stunning women to have ever graced the big screen! I’m a big fan. And I thank you for this question because I’m going to go order this on DVD now!"
raffmusic.co.uk
What song gives you a lump in your throat and why?
"Sia’s ‘Breathe Me’ – no words. Then when you hear it against the finale of Six Feet Under – it kills you even more." Watch…………..
#swoon
Barbie
barbiewrites.tumblr.com
If you could trade places with anyone you've featured on the blog for a day, who would it be and what mischief would you cause?
"As much as I’m tempted to say Barbie and find out what it’s like to rock a pair of plastic tits and legs that just won’t quit I’m not the greatest fan of pink, and you like A LOT of pink so it would end up being a day wasted doing lines of coke off Ken and crank calling Sindy – which actually that doesn’t sound so bad. Hmm... I think I choose you Barbie!!!"
But I'm gonna need a shitload of coke to deal with this doll…
No words.
Ninh Nguyen
ninh.co/
Mister Portis Wasp, when will you step foot upon the Big Apple so we can shoot you in NINH Collection clothing?
" I’ll be with you tomorrow! No seriously, I’m not sure when I’ll make it to New York but I would like to think it will be soon Ninh. I have heard so many great things about the City and so many of the people I have featured on my blog reside there so it would most definitely feel like a home away from home. I also really want one of your leather jackets really really bad so don’t you worry, your door will be the first of many that I knock on when I finally pay NYC a visit!"
Alexis Gregory
Who would be your ultimate interviewee?
"I might well change my mind tomorrow Alexis but today I’m going to say Aubrey Plaza. I just think she’s a revelation, not only in Parks and Recreation playing the hilariously deadpan April Ludgate but also in any magazine, tv interview or commercial in which I've seen her feature. She’s snarky but proper clever with it, and whilst she might not be to everyone’s taste her brand of comedy tickles me to the point of seizure! Here, have a taste of her on me...
Isn't she just THE BEST?!
Joseph Gray
www.joseph-gray.com
What gives you butterflies in your stomach?
"Nothing gives me butterflies in the stomach like love and that feeling can be quite addictive (as we ALL know), but of late I’ve only had butterflies before important Table Tennis matches. I know that sounds lame but it’s always those games where you feel you should win, and know you have to win at the same time. I had that all season last year when I was the top player in our division (modesty what's that?) and my team were chasing promotion! The more games I won the greater the expectation on myself to not fuck up and drop a game. I like the feeling, I just have to always make sure I channel my nerves correctly, something I don’t always manage as well when a particular person I fancy is giving me the butterflies."
Jack Mackenroth
www.jackmackenroth.com
What is the most bizarre sexual thing you have ever done?
"I am awfully vanilla Jack so I would say the most bizarre sexual thing I have ever done was to eat whilst having sex, like eat stuff off of each other. Which was really quite horrible because I was so hungry at the time but I had left my hand sanitizer at home so I had sticky fingers and I like to have clean hands at all times but I couldn’t excuse myself to go do that so I just had to get over it and get on with it. I don’t think the two things go well from experience – nudity and food. A little bit of fruit? Sure. And perhaps a little sushi roll or three. But not a curry!"
Nik Thakkar
KARLISMYUNKLE
If Portishead (who I LOVE by the way) and The Wasp Factory didn't exist, what would your name be?
"I flirted with the idea of Ames Noel for all of 5 minutes so it could have been that and wouldn’t that have been all kinds of rubbish. I would love to be a Noel, and sully the meaning of Christmas. But it wasn’t meant to be. Quite often I procrastinate for days over the most trivial of things and then when I finally commit the moment has passed. Which is rude? Like why wouldn’t your lips wait for me to respond? And then sometimes an idea comes to me and I fully commit on the spot and it’s a done deal. So Portis Wasp was pretty much a done deal the minute it entered my head. Or should I say Christmas was cancelled when Portis waltzed in."
Michael Epps
michaelepps.tumblr.com
Are you a romantic by nature, or jaded realist?
"I think I’m a romantic by nature. But I kind of rebel against romance quite a lot of the time. If I like someone I’ll only eat salad and soups, will only drink water and will find beauty in the most ugly of places – the gym. Love makes me all kinds of perfect and unable to concentrate on being horrible to people because I’m too busy concentrating on being adorable to that special someone spooning them ice cream and biting their neck and writing them really bad poetry. Love makes me act like a total loser but I like feeling like a loser in love - it comes natural."
Ariel Amejeiras
aztecrecords.co.uk
Have you ever had sex with a girl?
"Of course I have silly! Even with two girls at once! But I’m not bragging, it kind of felt like an exercise in punishment. Which kind of makes for a funny story I guess. Let me set the scene: It was my 19th Birthday there was a full moon out and I had just finished my late-shift stacking shelves in a Woolworth’s store. Don’t judge, the job was only part-time whilst I studied drama at college…. Two girls (sluts in disguise) from my drama class insisted that I celebrate my Birthday with them over a few drinks in a pub. I accepted their offer; we had drinks, and probably stayed out later than we should have what with our interpretive dance class to get to the next morning. Little did I know that there was some proper drama brewing in the taxi on the way home. Flashback to when we entered the taxi and the girls joked to one of the barmen (who chased us outside to collect the three bottles of beer we were holding) that he should come home with us to have a threesome! I took offence to this invite of course, as I didn’t want a threesome happening in my house with me not in it. Or maybe they just didn’t see me and a foursome was on the cards – so daring for a 19th Birthday celebration, don’t you think? So anyways, he declined. I wonder why?
We took the taxi back to mine and I said the girls could sleep over, it made sense as it was so late and one of the girls lived in Montrose, the other with her fiancé who she knew to be in bed already fast asleep… and she wouldn’t want to wake him at this LATE hour. She said this with a wink but I can be really stupid sometimes so didn’t pick up on this blatant invitation to undress her. I went into the bathroom, brushed my teeth and when I walked back into my bedroom the two girls were COMPLETELY NAKED, IN MY BED, and were doing that thing that really isn’t very enjoyable when not watching reality tv…. They were speaking in baby voices, giggling and playing with each other’s hair like it was the best thing ever. Dear lord this was HAPPENING…
I won’t go into details as I don’t want to be sued by any of my readers for making them violently sick but I thought I’d bullet point the highs and lows of what followed:
Highs
One of the girls was a gymnast and dancer, very pretty.
Lows
The other girl wasn’t any of those things.
Highs
There was a lot of moaning from the girls I think they really enjoyed themselves...
Lows
During the session I was asked if I’d ever had sex before.
Highs
One of the girls told me she loved kissing me!
Lows
Why didn’t the gymnast love kissing me?!
Highs
I was having a threesome on my 19th Birthday!
Lows
Once the girls had finished I was instructed to go to the kitchen and make them a cup of tea and some buttered toast. Is this something people require after a threesome?
Lows
I hadn’t finished thank you very much!
And that was that. I guess I could have answered yes and left it at that Ariel but I wanted you to know that from an early age I have had a wonderful way with the ladies."
Tyler Martin
chosenmodelmanagement.com
In giving the finger, from which hand is it given? FYI: I like the double application.
"Always the left hand Tyler, it’s my default setting for everything. I don’t know if you’ve seen Scary Movie 2 with the crazy butler who has that tiny little hand that freaks everyone out? Well I don’t have one of them but my right hand may as well be resigned to stirring lumps out of a bowl of mashed potato. Then at least it would have something to do. I’m a lefty through and through."
Louie Banks
louiebanks.com
"Snog, Marry, Kill?" Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone and Jackie Stallone…
"This is really hard Louie. But I’ve given it enough thought, thrown-up three times dissecting Arnie, Sylvie and Jackie's ever-changing faces, and I think I am happy enough to commit to the following. I would snog Sylvester’s pillow lips as I actually think he’d be quite a gentle kisser – or should I say the least likely of the three to eat me. I would have to kill Arnold as he totally creeps me out. And I would marry Jackie. She’s utterly bonkers but come on; she’s an astrologer, former dancer, and promoter of women’s wrestling – every day of the week with her would be a fucking hoot!"
Tala youtube.com/talaofficial
If you could take back one thing/choice/decision/mistake in your life what would it be and why? (Oh and your not allowed to say nothing , I have no regrets blah blah…everyone has one that got away ;-)
"Maybe not kissing that one person who wanted to kiss me but I wasn’t quite ready at the time to kiss them and then they got mad and I got all kinds of defensive and then we never spoke again. Cryptic much?"
Bubble gum or chewing gum?
"I really want to say bubble gum Tala, I really do, as I would love to be that kind of man but I find bubble gum to be a little too heavy in the mouth so I’m going to have to stick with regular chewing gum. Nothing exotic, a standard minty fresh flavour and if it can hold the taste past five full chews I’m a happy wasp."
What is your greatest fear?
"Hi Samuel. My greatest fear is ‘heights’. I’m pretty sure it started when I was around ten years old. I can remember playing in the forest with my friends (we have these funny things called trees in Scotland) and some bigger boys came along and threatened us for some reason (it’s a bit of a blur now seeing as this happened like 18 years ago) but I do remember hanging on to the edge of what felt like a cliff face, was most likely an ant hill, desperately trying to pull myself up and being terribly scared that I might let go and drop quite a few feet. I wouldn’t say it was as frightening as that time I was cycling to a friends house on a country road and a car followed me for what felt like hours, gently trailing behind me but I guess this experience just stuck. I kind of find it hard to even stand on a step ladder now. I also just realised that I have survived not one but two near-death experiences! I might have to write a book now."
Tell me about your most embarrassing moment!
"Oh it was probably that fashion show I did when I was eleven. I don’t like to talk about it but yes I am a former model. The local shopping centre had just had a major refurbishment and there was this really big fashion show put on to celebrate this quite ordinary achievement (by really big I mean Reporting Scotland were filming the event for the 6 o’clock news and Cheryl Baker (from Bucks Fizz) was presenting). The Chippendales were also there modelling aprons for a kitchen shop. And you think I’m joking? I’m not. I was modelling for one of the top brands in the centre, BHS, and for one of my walks the organisers decided it would be a real talking point if I sat on top of one of the Chippendales shoulders? I would like you to know Munroe that I only agreed to this because I’d been promised a £10 voucher to spend in Woolworths upon completion of my third walk. This was it. It was only when the freakishly oily hunk-of-a-man beneath me strode out onto the catwalk, with little ole me hanging on for dear life not quite understanding what I had done to deserve this new life, that it became clear that the combined height of the two of us meant that only one of us would pass through the mdf stage entrance successfully. What makes this worse is that I could see my forehead slamming into the cheaply constructed set a good twenty seconds before it happened but when it did, throwing me back and nearly off the Chippendales shoulders had he not been holding onto my legs from the front, the sheer adrenaline kick that consumed me caused me to flail about like…. I can’t bear to recall it again… but I’m going to have to say… Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls……….. that scene in that swimming pool. But the Chippendale didn’t notice, he was playing to the crowd, and the crowd didn’t notice, they only saw the half-naked man wearing an apron so for the longest thirty seconds of my life I straddled that Chippendale for all he was worth, and for all I was worth at the time, £10. Made worse by the fact that no one cared and I was wearing a cheap jumper. Thinking about it... maybe my greatest fear is the thought of falling on hard times and having to do this again in my lifetime for the cost equivalent of a pret a manger sandwich."
Who would play you in a movie? What would that movie be called?
"Hello Boys! My first choice to play me in a movie would have to be Lyle Lovett. Not because of the obvious - the long face, curly hair that won’t quit and our brief but hella tumultuous marriages to Julia Roberts – but the less obvious and quite calculated move to upstage my counterpart at the premiere of our film. I’m not prepared to let some hotter version of me with better abs play it ugly to play me, that’s just stupid. So I’m sorry Lyle I’m picking you for that very reason. Oh and I love your voice so the soundtrack to the film would be sick. If Lyle reads this though and drops out due to “scheduling conflicts” I’d like Chloe Sevigny to play me. She’s such a fierce little boy!
Sadly both The Sting and Cruel Intentions are already taken (and fabulous movies at that) so my movie would have to be called Why The Long Face? The twist at the end is that..."
_______________________________________
Where is Your Favourite Place to be Touched?
Barbie
Well Wasps, one of the only downsides to being plastic is that I don't have a whole lotta nerve endings... but I've got them where it counts! They seem to be particularly sensitive around the back of my neck, so move my mane outta your way, give it a sultry stroke, a luscious lick or a naughty nibble and see what happens!
Louie Banks
WHERE DO YOU THINK?
Barrett Pall
My lips are my ultimate weakness. Your lips have the most amount of concentrated nerve endings in your whole body, so if you can make out like a superstar chances are I'm all yours.
Alexis Gregory
In my heart. Of course.
Giuseppe Vaccaro
The face.
Simon Curtis
In Church
Damon Baker
On the runway
Jack Mackenroth
I love to hold hands. And if you go anywhere near my ass I go crazy in a good way.
Joseph Gray
The sweet, sensible, innocent side of me wants to tell the world that my favourite place to be touched is my heart- be it through inspiration, love or fantasy. But if you touch my "heart-on"... that's even better! Damn!
Tyler Martin
If I'm with the one I love, anywhere works every time.
Neil Thomas Douglas
Belly Button!
Michael Epps
Nothing beats a pair of soft full lips, touching my soft full lips.
Tala
My heart... awww.
Raff
...in a bubble bath with some Kenny G playing in the background, surrounded by candles. I joke! It depends on the moment really...and I guess the location. A frisky fondle in an inappropriate location can be quite nice! That's all you're getting.
Euan Robertson
Wherever you want to touch Mr Wasp, please don't be shy!
Rick Day
My neck... very sensitive
Ryan McDonald
My temples. Makes me feel smarter.
Ariel
My heart.
Jonathan Pryce
My head. When I was a child my Mum used to stroke my hair to get me to sleep, so you just have to brush past my head to make me sleepy and relaxed. A good head massage can't be beaten.
Marko Kalfa
I love a good back massage first and foremost. Then head, neck, feet, penis (can I say that), hands, forearms and ears...in that order. I hate when people touch my hair. It takes me so long to get it to sit a certain way
Matthew Stephen Herrick
Well, I like to be touched in a lot of places. Like you said, the body is a big place after all, but I guess it would be the back of my neck and onto my back. When someone rubs their finger tips gently up and down it’s very soothing and sensual. It relaxes me and sends tingles.
Sam Scott Schiavo
Being extremely sensitive, any place is a favorite place to be touched and very appreciated as long as I don't have to do it myself!
Colby Keller
My favourite place to be touched definitely depends on the situation, but I think my all time favorite is to have someone comb my hair, massage my scalp or give me a playful rub to mess up my hair. There's something very intimate about a relationship with someone that allows for both the inclination to and the permission to touch someone's hair. It's always unspoken and comes after a strong connection has been made. Reminds of Rumi's reminder that words so often fail us and that a touch can say so much more.
Portis Wasp
My favourite place to be touched is this sweet little spot on the inside of my leg that is in no way sensitive when I touch it myself but magically comes to life when someone else happens to be... umm, on the inside of my leg. When touched it just makes me laugh, quite uncontrollably.
My favourite place to be touched is this sweet little spot on the inside of my leg that is in no way sensitive when I touch it myself but magically comes to life when someone else happens to be... umm, on the inside of my leg. When touched it just makes me laugh, quite uncontrollably.
_________________________________________
Barbie (Fashionista/ Blogger)
visit barbiewrites
As a like, uber girlie girl, I would never want to switch places with a Ken. But like, it's totally great to be a guy too. You get to be the envy of all your friends when you walk into a bar with me on your arm, you're fascinated by simple things like boobs and your penis is your best friend! If I carried my best friend around in my pants all day, well, I'd get arrested. But I don't tend to wear pants so it's all okay! :-)
You have something attached to your body you can literally stick in things for a good time...this must be awesome. You can grow facial hair in a variety of ways, in your world you can be a 'player' in ours you'd be a 'slag.' I think you can grow old more gracefully, you aren't as defined by your age in society. You don't take over an hour to get ready for a night out....actually it must be pretty darn good...can I start over again as a man please?!
Of course you can Sarah! You can all become men!!!
If you need a reminder then click here to find out why it is Great to be a Man!
Sam Scott Schiavo
Obvious ... as with a fine wine, we keep getting better with age!
Jack Mackenroth
Because we can pee pretty much anywhere.
Because if we are born in China they don't drown us.
Because we can look good with or without a moustache.
__________________________________________________
All I Want For Christmas Is...
Matthew Stephen Herrick
If I could have one thing for Christmas I’d want a "mini pig". Yep, that's right. I would name him (or her) Charlie and me Charlie and my dog Billie would be one happy family. I prefer the black spotted one but I'll take what I can get.
You are kind of jealous huh? You want one too. I can tell.
Portis Wasp
All I want for Christmas is... this. Another fun year of blogging, featuring super interesting talent like the guys n gals I am celebrating in this Christmas post (aren't I lucky?), and more time set aside to showcase what I am made of. Someone's getting a little tired of living vicariously through the artists he features. ;-) But seriously, who needs to go on a college course when I have Photographers, Models, Writers, Musicians, Presenters, Illustrators, Designers, Pornstars and a Barbie doll on hand to show me 365 days of the year how to push the boundaries of creativity with such effortless ease. So buckle up now wasps, in 2012 we're DRIVING HARD! Oh and Merry Christmas! Here's a thought before I leave you... maybe next year instead of a blog post I could just throw a Party? And maybe I'll wear head-to-toe Tom Ford as I greet you at the door with my wasp stamp?! Certainly something to think about. And now a quote from Mr Disney...
"If you can dream it, you can do it."
Walt Disney
___________________________________________
If you were a Biscuit... which would you be and why?
I would be a scone too. No.... wait.... I'm taking a stand against this silliness! I am a TOFFEE POP!
________________________________________
What's your favourite scary movie?
Why is it Great to be a Man? (LADIES EDITION)
Well the verdict is in and women doen't like us men. Only three game girls have answered the question, Why is it Great to be a Man? so I will have to move forward with the all boys club idea that I have been brewing for the blog (including these three fine specimens of course - we will need these three to cook us things and look all pretty and shit at all times) and will begin banning ladies who don't think we're great from February onwards! Tut Tut ladies, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
Barbie (Fashionista/ Blogger)
visit barbiewrites
As a like, uber girlie girl, I would never want to switch places with a Ken. But like, it's totally great to be a guy too. You get to be the envy of all your friends when you walk into a bar with me on your arm, you're fascinated by simple things like boobs and your penis is your best friend! If I carried my best friend around in my pants all day, well, I'd get arrested. But I don't tend to wear pants so it's all okay! :-)
I'd make a great man. I'd have the coolest facial hair fashionings, and I love opening doors for people, and greeting people by bowing low and flourishing my hat. Fair enough, that might also make me a rather eccentric man too but I don't fit into any box easily. :-)
In Sweden, it's great to be a man because when you've got a baby you are allowed to be a 'Latte Papa', sitting with all the other Latte Papas, their babies and their buggies around a coffee table, and you can be all 'mumsy' with the baby without being scrutinised for being domineering, weak or a paedophile. You can also be a DILF.
You have something attached to your body you can literally stick in things for a good time...this must be awesome. You can grow facial hair in a variety of ways, in your world you can be a 'player' in ours you'd be a 'slag.' I think you can grow old more gracefully, you aren't as defined by your age in society. You don't take over an hour to get ready for a night out....actually it must be pretty darn good...can I start over again as a man please?!
Of course you can Sarah! You can all become men!!!
If you need a reminder then click here to find out why it is Great to be a Man!
__________________________________________
Why is it Great to be a Man?
Sam Scott Schiavo
Obvious ... as with a fine wine, we keep getting better with age!
Jack Mackenroth
Because we can pee pretty much anywhere.
Because if we are born in China they don't drown us.
Because we can look good with or without a moustache.
Colby Keller
1. Peeing standing up
2. Less social pressure when it comes to using beauty products
3. Morning Wood
4. Body Hair keeps you warmer in the winter
5. Getting harassed less often on the street
6. No chance of accidentally getting pregnant when I get fucked
7. Penises are fun to play with (hard or soft)
Stewart Shining
We don't have to wear dresses and leave our man parts exposed.
Stewart Shining
We don't have to wear dresses and leave our man parts exposed.
We don't have to wear makeup or deal with our hair.
The only jewellery we have to wear is a watch.
WE get to be the responsible ones and take the lead.
Christopher Hench
It is great to be a man because "men can use the toilet alone."
Matthew Stephen Herrick
We are mostly low maintenance and it takes us 10 minutes to get ready, as we get older we become "handsome" and look distinguished with age, we don't have periods, we actually enjoy being objectified by women (and men), sex is easy alone (if you catch my drift) and I think this list can go on and on but you get my point. Being a woman is hardwork. We lucked out. :-)
Max Papendieck
You can kill your own food. With your bare hands! Oh and lines for the bathroom are about 95% shorter.
Kyle Anderson
Because I never have to experience child birth is my number 1.
Euan Robertson
I wrote a list and all the points involved girls being better. They smell better, they look better, they smile better. So I guess the only reason is I don't need as much luggage. How tragic :-)
Michael Epps
Why is it great to be a man? It's only great if you have a big dick. Otherwise you're screwed. ;-)
Raff
...cos we can pee standing up...anywhere! (Most useful at festivals!)
Ninh Nguyen
You have a penis...
Ryan McDonald
It's great to be a man because you can grow a huge beard and people won't look at you in disgust.
Ariel Amejeiras
To be a man is great because even women think we get better with age (supposedly) So we can still feel empowered in our 40's 50's and beyond. I would hate to be an ageing woman in this day and age.
Riley Price
It's great to be a man cause I'm a bottom and not a woman. I get to have my cake and eat it too. I like seeing my own kind fucking me as i look behind. I like being a guy and being with a guy and being owned.
Jon Fleming
I can parallel park
Tyler Martin
My favorite part of being a bull.... Hmmmm. Women seem to like it when we get nasty and drive big trucks, and I couldn't imagine not being able to relieve myself out back by a bush.
Darren Black
Two words: FACIAL HAIR! Men can rock beards, designer stubble, mustaches, lamb chops, side burns, chin straps, chin curtains and goatees OR they can be clean shaven! Women with ANY of the above are either hormonal or crayzee!
Barrett Pall
If you had a penis you would just know why. Oh and I won't ever have to push a baby out of my pee hole.
Joseph Bleu
It is great to be a man. To be a sensitive Man, who probes into the identity of others so that he can then find things in himself that awakens a new awareness.
Portis Wasp
It is great to be man because we have a great knack for pretending we’re incapable of doing certain menial tasks so that the lovely women in our life end up doing them for us. Ha – only kidding. I never do that. Men are great because women let us be. I've just checked my google analytics and I don't want to lose 75% of my readership! I also agree with the peeing. While it sounds all kinds of trivial, having to sit down on a public toilet would just kill me (ocd freak).
This post sounds a little like a WE HATE WOMEN club, but it's not. So don't hate us men for being great!
Christopher Hench
It is great to be a man because "men can use the toilet alone."
Matthew Stephen Herrick
We are mostly low maintenance and it takes us 10 minutes to get ready, as we get older we become "handsome" and look distinguished with age, we don't have periods, we actually enjoy being objectified by women (and men), sex is easy alone (if you catch my drift) and I think this list can go on and on but you get my point. Being a woman is hardwork. We lucked out. :-)
Max Papendieck
You can kill your own food. With your bare hands! Oh and lines for the bathroom are about 95% shorter.
Kyle Anderson
Because I never have to experience child birth is my number 1.
Euan Robertson
I wrote a list and all the points involved girls being better. They smell better, they look better, they smile better. So I guess the only reason is I don't need as much luggage. How tragic :-)
Michael Epps
Why is it great to be a man? It's only great if you have a big dick. Otherwise you're screwed. ;-)
Raff
...cos we can pee standing up...anywhere! (Most useful at festivals!)
Ninh Nguyen
You have a penis...
Ryan McDonald
It's great to be a man because you can grow a huge beard and people won't look at you in disgust.
Ariel Amejeiras
To be a man is great because even women think we get better with age (supposedly) So we can still feel empowered in our 40's 50's and beyond. I would hate to be an ageing woman in this day and age.
Riley Price
It's great to be a man cause I'm a bottom and not a woman. I get to have my cake and eat it too. I like seeing my own kind fucking me as i look behind. I like being a guy and being with a guy and being owned.
Jon Fleming
I can parallel park
Tyler Martin
My favorite part of being a bull.... Hmmmm. Women seem to like it when we get nasty and drive big trucks, and I couldn't imagine not being able to relieve myself out back by a bush.
Darren Black
Two words: FACIAL HAIR! Men can rock beards, designer stubble, mustaches, lamb chops, side burns, chin straps, chin curtains and goatees OR they can be clean shaven! Women with ANY of the above are either hormonal or crayzee!
Barrett Pall
If you had a penis you would just know why. Oh and I won't ever have to push a baby out of my pee hole.
Joseph Bleu
It is great to be a man. To be a sensitive Man, who probes into the identity of others so that he can then find things in himself that awakens a new awareness.
Portis Wasp
It is great to be man because we have a great knack for pretending we’re incapable of doing certain menial tasks so that the lovely women in our life end up doing them for us. Ha – only kidding. I never do that. Men are great because women let us be. I've just checked my google analytics and I don't want to lose 75% of my readership! I also agree with the peeing. While it sounds all kinds of trivial, having to sit down on a public toilet would just kill me (ocd freak).
This post sounds a little like a WE HATE WOMEN club, but it's not. So don't hate us men for being great!
__________________________________________________
All I Want For Christmas Is...
Panda Su
All I want for Christmas is... free admission to the zoo to spend time with the family. And a year's supply of Burt's Bees lipbalm. And an iPad 2.
Kyle Anderson
All I want for Christmas is... health, peace and the silver sharks tooth necklace from Givenchy
Darwin Deez
If I told you, you might outbid me at the last second!! Xoxo dd
Michael Epps
All I want for Christmas, is peace on earth, and a hot piece for me.
Matthew Stephen Herrick
If I could have one thing for Christmas I’d want a "mini pig". Yep, that's right. I would name him (or her) Charlie and me Charlie and my dog Billie would be one happy family. I prefer the black spotted one but I'll take what I can get.
You are kind of jealous huh? You want one too. I can tell.
Archeo
All I want for Christmas is.... to play a show on the moon.
Jay James Picton
All I want for Christmas is… a bench with the name engraved 'J's bench'.
Only people with the name beginning with 'J' would legally be allowed to sit on it. I'd probably enjoy some of Christmas on my bench inviting random people with strange names to illegally sit and join me for mulled wine and tell shit Xmas jokes. They'd think I'd be laughing at their jokes, I'd really be laughing knowing I had secretly encouraged a
a bench crime. If I got that for Christmas, I could say my Christmas moral would be: 'Don't accept strange acts of kindness from strangers at Christmas' ('especially when it involves personalised benches')
That or a Terry's Christmas orange.
Barbie
As the girl who has everything, I've had to think long and hard about what I want for Christmas. Love? Pffft. Money? Hmm. A pair of Chrissie Loub Markesling 120 laser-cut leather pumps? Maybe...
No, what I would love more than anything is YOU Ms Wintour (because I know you're a closet Wasp and an honorary Barb thanks to Minaj) to give me a job in your wonderful, crazy, glossy fash mag world that dreams are made of! VOGUE! STRIKE A POSE!
If you need evidence of my talents just take a look around the Wasp Factory... I specialise in killer heels, hawt bitches and trash TV. I can do couture- I've even been published in your fellow Conde Nast glossy GLAMOUR UK (out December 8th Wasps, FYI)- I can do A-list stars and I can do the Starbucks run in 6 inch heels!
Make my wish come true Santa Wintour! All I want for Christmas is you!!!
No, what I would love more than anything is YOU Ms Wintour (because I know you're a closet Wasp and an honorary Barb thanks to Minaj) to give me a job in your wonderful, crazy, glossy fash mag world that dreams are made of! VOGUE! STRIKE A POSE!
If you need evidence of my talents just take a look around the Wasp Factory... I specialise in killer heels, hawt bitches and trash TV. I can do couture- I've even been published in your fellow Conde Nast glossy GLAMOUR UK (out December 8th Wasps, FYI)- I can do A-list stars and I can do the Starbucks run in 6 inch heels!
Make my wish come true Santa Wintour! All I want for Christmas is you!!!
Vic Galloway
'All I want for Christmas is... some more time on my hands! I'm busy writing a book, doing radio shows, bits of TV and journalism and I desperately want to make more of my own music. I just don't have the time, goddammit!! In terms of a physical 'thing'... I'd quite like a new tattoo! I have a half sleeve on my left arm and am building up my right arm. I'd like a few hours in a tattoo shop of my choosing to get more 'ink' to fill in the gaps!'
Jack Mackenroth
All I want for Christmas is... botox.
Emma Durnell
All I want for Christmas is... Health, happiness and harmony! xxx
Damon Baker
All I want for Christmas is... A lipstick stained crotch.
Neil Thomas Douglas
All I want for Christmas is fuck loads of socks. Seriously where do they all go? Oh, and vouchers for a travel agent, I want to leave this little island for a few weeks. AND, more Portis Wasp but goes without saying.
Darren Black
All I want for Christmas is... to give all my friends and family the perfect gift - I LOVE giving presents - oh & receiving them: I've got a pair of Dr Dre BEATS headphones on my list. I just hope that when Father Christmas makes his list & checks it twice, he hasn't got me filed under "naughty". Xx
Ariel (TNTT)
All I want for Xmas is for Michel Gondry to direct our video! Can I have my face over Bjork body please???
Ninh Nguyen
All I want for Christmas is... a bespoke suit from an Italian master tailor, with NINH Collection aesthetic :)
Jason Boyce
All I want for christmas is... Natalie Portman in a box.... or a cake?? Or to just show up at my door and ask me to marry her! :)
Raff
All I want for Christmas is... for Beyonce to be my alarm clock!
Tala
All I want for Christmas is a Piano made out of 24 carat Gold T's for TALA !... can you picture it yet!!! Let me know if you need the delivery address etc and Il send it to ;)
Max Papendieck
All I want for Christmas is... A nice HOT Australian Christmas with my family by the beach! And maybe a new Hublot watch :)
Dylan Rosser
All I want for Christmas is... this
New Town Triptych
New Town Triptych here and all we want for Christmas is world peace, more AirPlay in 2012 and a an outdoor gig (although we'll hold off on the latter until summer)
Ally McCrae
All I want for Christmas is... a dressing gown with a hood. For men, I swear to gooooodness I have tried everywhere and I can't find one in the UK. Why is it so hard? Maybe I'll go into the dressing gown business - BBC Introducing loungewear.
Giuseppe Vaccaro
Hi my friends congratulations for your blog, 
all I want for Christmas is to realise my dreams.
all I want for Christmas is to realise my dreams.
Joseph Bleu
…and what I want for Christmas I am going to have to say, I do not want a thing I want an idea I have to say the idea is more of a reflection. It is not what we have it is what we give. And to give is to get. So what I really want is a great source of inspiration so that I can give a new perception to people so that they in turn can be inspired...
Riley Price
A smart guy who can fuck and for everyone to be happy
Richard Gerst
All I want for Christmas is… my two front teeth.
Sam Scott Schiavo
All I want for Christmas is ... YOU, BUT the you must understand(and agree) who they are!
Brian Shimansky
All I want for Christmas is a cool breeze....?
K.p. Son
A top hat and a suit.
Aztec Records
All we want for Christmas is to be invited to a gay wedding. :-)
Richard Haines
All I want for Christmas is... youuuu.
Nicolo Festa
All I want for christmas is... A gold rolex. My only christmas wish, brazenly ignored, for the past 20 years.
Greig Middlemiss
All I want for Christmas... is time. I've hardly had any time to pick up my camera for months on end... really not been the year for it and I'm dying to get back out there and get some time to myself to actually get shooting again. Please, please Santa... I miss free time!!!
Jonathan Pryce
All I want for Christmas is...to be as inspired in 2012 as I was in 2011.
Johnny Lynch
All I want for Christmas is… for Margaret Thatcher to die. And Cameron. In fact, I want a Tory bloodbath, please.
Jon Fleming
Pee Wees Big Adventure on DVD
Hudson Wright
All I want for Christmas is... my two front teeth .
Barrett Pall
All I want for Christmas is for this next year to be even more prosperous, exciting and passion-filled than this year has been. Oh and a new laptop would be awesome.
Lectro Lips
Leo: All I want for Christmas is.... a Super 8 video camera, A Boombox (Because Ant took mine) and a new Carpenters record.
Ant: All I want for Christmas is... a pair of Terry Richardson glasses and a Polaroid PoGo printer (for sexy stuff). Oh, and free Reese's Pieces for everyone else.
All I want for Christmas is... this. Another fun year of blogging, featuring super interesting talent like the guys n gals I am celebrating in this Christmas post (aren't I lucky?), and more time set aside to showcase what I am made of. Someone's getting a little tired of living vicariously through the artists he features. ;-) But seriously, who needs to go on a college course when I have Photographers, Models, Writers, Musicians, Presenters, Illustrators, Designers, Pornstars and a Barbie doll on hand to show me 365 days of the year how to push the boundaries of creativity with such effortless ease. So buckle up now wasps, in 2012 we're DRIVING HARD! Oh and Merry Christmas! Here's a thought before I leave you... maybe next year instead of a blog post I could just throw a Party? And maybe I'll wear head-to-toe Tom Ford as I greet you at the door with my wasp stamp?! Certainly something to think about. And now a quote from Mr Disney...
"If you can dream it, you can do it."
Walt Disney
___________________________________________
If you were a Biscuit... which would you be and why?
I discovered shortly after sending an email out to my blog friends asking which Biscuit they'd be that a. I feature far too many Americans (I love you all really) and b. being American quite a few of them don't know what a biscuit is (not that that's their fault especially), being the greedy country that it is, America describes quite a few tasty treats as a Biscuit. When lets face it, most of them are not what we (certainly the people of Scotland) know to be a biscuit. But, that was before I sent the email that changed my life. I was going to choose a Toffee Pop as my contribution but after doing this I'm not quite sure I know what a biscuit is anymore. Oh and c. a lot of you like to melt in the mouth - as if that comes as a surprise?!
I hope some of you don't mind but I just couldn't not include everyone who replied even if you didn't have an answer for me. Me and Stewart Shining sent about twenty emails back and forth about this (bless him) but at least we will all learn something from this today and that is... a Biscuit is NOT as universal as a kiss!
I hope some of you don't mind but I just couldn't not include everyone who replied even if you didn't have an answer for me. Me and Stewart Shining sent about twenty emails back and forth about this (bless him) but at least we will all learn something from this today and that is... a Biscuit is NOT as universal as a kiss!
Barbie (Fashionista Blogger)
After much consideration... If I was a biscuit I'd be a Jaffa Cake... I'm a little orange, low in fat and I melt in your mouth... Take from that what you wish boys ;-)
Richard Haines (Illustrator)
You mean a cookie?
I don't get it - a biscuit? Like the things they serve on the plane? Is this a British double entendre I don't know about or did I just inadvertently answer... please advise.
I just called Tachman and said did Portis Wasp ask you what kind of biscuit you are, cause I don't get the question, and he didn't know either- we're clueless over here.
Btw biscuits aren't cookies here, they're these mini bread things you eat in the morning with butter and jam, and American Airlines are the best. Aren't you sorry you asked?!!
So wait, what kind of COOKIE would I be?!!! I'm still confused. Well I would be a hard cookie with raw almonds and chunks of chocolate and dried strawberries and salt.
There. You happy??
Stewart was then gracious enough to attach a picture of a scone, someone had helpfully written on the image... BISCUIT.
One that contains no calories, durr.
If I were a biscuit I'd be a scone. A little hard on the outside but moist and buttery on the inside. The kind that melts in your mouth and leaves you completely satisfied. Ya know, in a hitting the right spot kinda way for your food cravings. Haha. Us Americans can be a bit slutty with all our melting in the mouth. If you look it up the two are the same in American culture. :-)
I would be a tunnocks tea cake because I am a bit soft.
Simon Curtis (Singer)
Haha we don't have biscuits like you do over here in the States!! Lol Our biscuits here are made with flour, fresh. They're hot, breast, squishy, salty, flaky. Not a cookie/cracker like you guys have as biscuits!
Breast Simon?
Either a Tunnock's Tea Cake (not quite a biscuit) so if that's not allowed a Marks and Spencer extra chocolately chocolate biscuit. Any good?
I would be a Pillsbury Buttermilk Biscuit, the interior is fluffy and tender and the crust crisp!
"All the taste, none of the guilt" was their slogan and I agree ;-)
"All the taste, none of the guilt" was their slogan and I agree ;-)
Ronnie Kroell (Model)
I'd be a biscuit with sausage and covered in gravy. #Winning
I would have to say hobnob's....... cuz.... sometimes you just got to. There you have it you naughty minded blogger.
Well, if I were an "American Biscuit" (whatever that means), I'd be this nasty little product called "Chicken-n-a-biskit" which is a sort of cracker flavored with "chicken powder." That healthy British Chef you guys like would be mortified!
We don't like him.
And if I were a "British Biscuit" I think I'd be something like a piece of shortbread or something eaten by everyone (a lot).
Bonus points for picking a Scottish Biscuit.
A custard cream. Rather boring looking from the outside but immensely rewarding if you manage to get to the custard centre without breaking the biscuit on either side. A skill I perfected when I was 9 years old. And a size 16.
Hmmm, I think I'd have to be a jammy dodger, I've got a thing for lovehearts and just seeing the jam heart in the dodger makes me happy... it's as simple as that!
This has been pretty difficult, so many biscuits I'd like to be but I've struggled to pin down just one to define me! In the end up I've landed (metaphorically) on the Tunnock's Tea Cake. While it has the word 'cake' in the name I feel that it still falls into the biscuit category, in the same way as a Jaffa Cake does.
I feel it's Scottish roots, squidgy nature and firm bottom make it the biscuit that would be me in any forthcoming biopics. This has taken up a disproportionate amount of time this week but has been an enriching experience.
Ant would be a Nutter Butter because it's got a crunchy outside and a creamy sweet/salty filling. Leo would be an Oreo because he likes to be licked and dunked in milk.
Hello my friend... a biscuit full of grapes covered with chocolate truffle, as any male model that comes in my farm love to eat them deliciously ... hehhehehheh
Tala (Singer)
I'd be Baklava because I'm layered and complex bitches!
Google suggests you have chosen something that looks very much like a lasagne Tala!
One of my fave restaurants in Portland is called Gravy. They say their biscuits are HOT AND FLUFFY. I wanna be a hot and fluffy biscuit!
I don't like biscuits but I had a crush on strawberry shortcake and that falls in the biscuit family according to the world wide web.
Christophe Sanchez-Vahle (Model Booker)
Pleasure...I used to eat these as a child when I would spend summers in Europe with my grandparents before they were made available in the US where we lived. Petit ecolier - Little schoolboy! The ultimate treat! A perfect balance of milk chocolate and a butter biscuit that's not overly sweet. What I love most though is the idea of these being a bit bad but delicious. And the implication can't be overlooked. Every man has a little naughty school boy side to him.. xx
Wow a biscuit? That is a hard one. Let me think... I would be a home made buttermilk biscuit like my uncle used to make when we would visit.. I melt in your mouth.... lol
Ryan McDonald (Model)
I would be a scone for the simple reason i know no other... plus it sounds fancy.
Portis Wasp
________________________________________
What's your favourite scary movie?
visit wix.com/emmadurnell
visit www.danielgarofali.com
visit ronniekroell.com
visit richardgerst.com
"The other scene that really terrifies me, and upsets me deeply, even if I watch it in broad daylight, is from NOSFERATU by Herzog: when the filthy despicable Klaus Kinski closes in on Bruno Ganz. The deformed head, the skanky rodent teeth! Pure filth! Makes me sick to my stomach every time. Bleah!
visit andreavecchiato.com
you can read Barbie's updates here on My Portis Wasp says
visit Colby at bigshoediaries.com (NSFW)
you only need to google this boy to see he's got game
visit davidvance.com
"However, this question can't truly be answered without bringing up "Nightmare on Elm St. 1" - the original with Johnny Depp being flung up to the ceiling by his own blood after dreaming of Freddie Kruger...or actually anything by The Hammer House of Horror (great costumes), or The Omen, oh oh oh..."Carrie", yes "Carrie", fucking love that film! "Plug it up! Plug it up!"...Can I have more than one film...?" Yes you can.
visit darrenblackphotography.com
It's a tough call, as there's a lot of different horror movies I like for different reasons. But for freaky 'what the hell is happening' scares, it has to be Andrzej Zulawski's 'Possession'.
Because:
It starts as a film charting the break down of a relationship, before going all out bat shit crazy... it has Sam Neil being mental... it has Isabella Adjani being more mental... even when it's just doing normal dialogue scenes, it's totally bonkers... it did everything Antichrist was trying to do, but without relying on cheap torture shocks (and about 30 years before)!
visit eagleowlattack.co.uk
visit fashionfoiegras.com
read my interview with John
visit josephbleu.blogspot.com
read my 5 questions with Jon
visit kevinmcdermott.com
visit kyleeditor.com
"I love Carrie for so many reasons. Amazing story of teen alienation by horror master Stephen King. Gorgeous cinematography and direction by Brian DePalma and company. Amazing cast and stellar performances by Sissy Spacek and Tuesday Weld. Love the use of split screen in the climatic scene at the end. Oh and John Travolta in his prime. What more can I say."
visit markokalfa.com
Pick up a copy of Lovecat today
visit anddoyoutake.com
"Second scariest movie (I know, you didn't ask for it but I have to mention it) is 'The Orphanage' by J.A. Bayona. It's a Spanish movie and has the most beautiful storyline. But it is also terribly scary!!!!
visit aztecrecords.com
visit ninh.co
visit pandasu.co.uk
visit whatisawtoday.com
visit raffmusic.co.uk
read my 5 questions with Ryan
"I am giving away my age as I saw it when the original came out , movie theatres were packed and people were fainting in the audience! And I appreciate a classic... the word class is in there."
visit samscottschiavo.blogspot.com
visit simon-curtis.com
It starts as a film charting the break down of a relationship, before going all out bat shit crazy... it has Sam Neil being mental... it has Isabella Adjani being more mental... even when it's just doing normal dialogue scenes, it's totally bonkers... it did everything Antichrist was trying to do, but without relying on cheap torture shocks (and about 30 years before)!
visit eagleowlattack.co.uk
visit fashionfoiegras.com
read my interview with John
visit josephbleu.blogspot.com
read my 5 questions with Jon
visit kevinmcdermott.com
visit kyleeditor.com
"I love Carrie for so many reasons. Amazing story of teen alienation by horror master Stephen King. Gorgeous cinematography and direction by Brian DePalma and company. Amazing cast and stellar performances by Sissy Spacek and Tuesday Weld. Love the use of split screen in the climatic scene at the end. Oh and John Travolta in his prime. What more can I say."
visit markokalfa.com
Pick up a copy of Lovecat today
visit anddoyoutake.com
"Second scariest movie (I know, you didn't ask for it but I have to mention it) is 'The Orphanage' by J.A. Bayona. It's a Spanish movie and has the most beautiful storyline. But it is also terribly scary!!!!
visit aztecrecords.com
visit ninh.co
visit pandasu.co.uk
visit whatisawtoday.com
visit raffmusic.co.uk
read my 5 questions with Ryan
"I am giving away my age as I saw it when the original came out , movie theatres were packed and people were fainting in the audience! And I appreciate a classic... the word class is in there."
visit samscottschiavo.blogspot.com
visit simon-curtis.com
I'm not going to even begin to apologise for the dreadful photoshopping crimes committed today (or I won't have time to watch some of the great Horror's you have shared with me) - sooo many good memories revisited, let me tell you! Instead I'm just gonna thank you all for being such great sports and I trust you'll all have a fantastic Halloween!
Like who wouldn't with quality taste like we have?!!!
Like who wouldn't with quality taste like we have?!!!
Portis
____________________________________
How do you like to be kissed?
How do you like to be kissed?
______________________________________
I asked some of my celebrity blog friends on a whim which body parts do you find sexiest on your special someone or numerous love-ins and here are their responses...
"What does Barbie find hot in a Ken? Well I like a man who can bring sexy back - literally. Tanned, buffed backs are super hot, unlike the pasty, spotty ones which I've seen strolling around in the sunshine lately. Give me something good to dig my acrylics into guys!"
Barbie/Waspette in Training
"I think a chest (if it’s hairy), eyes and bottom (if it’s pert!)."
Rachael/All-Leo PR
"Eyes, nose and boobies."
Neil Thomas Douglas/Photographer
"HANDS. Hands are and should be sexy... cause if they're gonna be all over you, they better look good and know what to do."
Amy/Van Go Lion
"I’m a fan of eyes. Blue eyes are my favourite. I’m the biggest sucker for em. Also, I like a man with an ass… a nice bubble butt - I like something to spank while my man is workin me over. That’s about it."
Riley Price/Pornstar
"I would definitely say the smile. You know, when you see that person and they smile and you just melt a little bit? You can't help but smile too. The eyes also. You can tell alot about a person and what they are thinking with just a look into their eyes. Combine those two - and phew - puttin that hurtin on me."
Matthew Stephen Herrick/Model & Actor
"I love lips. They can be super mmm mmm, super sexy!"
David Arnot/Photographer
"For me, it would have to be eyes, lips, and ass. Eyes just mesmerize you, lips are needed for great kissing amongst other things, and ass is a must! You can’t get any surgery for an amazing ass. You are either born with it or your not! Boobs can be taken care of later lol (if necessary). "
Jason Boyce/Model
"Arms are my thing. A guy has to have great arms and hands. Lips too... and abs. Hmm. I just like boys. Just have an exceptional brain. ;-)"
Ro Danishei/Singer
"Eyes, where you can find a person's confidence, passion and kindness."
Journey Gong/Photographer
"Her eyes, they say more in a single glance than a novel. Her face, as beautiful as a sunset. Her hair, majestic dark and long. Her ass, as round and juicy as a watermelon. There's more, but it would be a long answer describing every part of her."
Simon Dexter/Model
"My lips on the inner part of her thigh, because anticipation is everything..."
Ryan McDonald/Model
"My fave male part has to be the upper leg. Love big muscly chunky thighs. Think they make a man look powerful! Ha Ha"
John Bruce/The Model Agency
"Eyes. Eyes. Eyes. Always the eyes, in a portrait or a partner."
Greig Middlemiss/Photographer
"I have 4 lovers… Bunny, Mary, Lizzie & Fanny. I love them and all their parts equally as much!!"
Roger Frampton/Model
"For me it’s a good sized butt with a perky curve on the bottom. Eyes lips and neck come second."
Sebastian Sauve/Model
"I’m a sucker for good shoulders. Strong, but not too beefy. Good for cuddling."
K/Work It Media Hag
"We both find hands attractive, Kristin finds thumbs particularly arousing, Laura on the other "hand" finds clean hands with short nails rather sexy! Ha Ha"
Disco Damage/Band
"Ant: I like nice, strong hands. Especially when they're being used to slip me some cash.
Leo: It has to be the lips. When mine start to tingle it means they've been put to good use."
Lectro Lips/Band Leo: It has to be the lips. When mine start to tingle it means they've been put to good use."
"The nape of a man's neck! Sometimes its hotter watching em leave then watching em come. "
Colby Keller/Pornstar
"I really like earlobes and that wee bit of skin on people's necks right behind their earlobes. "
Anna-Kitty the Lion/Band
Well the singleton in me would look for someone with a good heart, cos I mostly attract lovers who are dead inside, whilst the lover in me would look for someone with good feet [which is weird] cos if you know me well you’ll know that I am absolutely freaked out by feet, I wish we didn’t have them so if you ever find yourself having your feet massaged by me, well, we’ll be married. Actually even if you don't know me well you’ll know that I’m shallow and every last body part of yours will need to assault me and then some. So… 1. ass 2. crazy hair I can play with 3. a tasty looking neck I can bite on – I’m a biter I’m afraid.
Portis Wasp
